13 Different Ways: A Pair of Scissors
13 Different Ways to look at a pair of scissors.
1. The scissors on my desk are in a coffee cup full of ink pens. They are steel and razor sharp with black handles. I’ve yet to actually use these scissors and I’ve been at this company for about seven months now. I hope someday to need scissors, because these look like they’d be fun to use.
2. It was an accident. She walked into my office and was droning on and on about some mundane thing that I didn’t give a damn about. I sat and listened as long as I could before I accidentally lodged the scissors in her neck. Then I accidentally sat there and drank my tea as blood gushed from the wound. The only sound she made after that was a sick, wet, breathing sound as her lungs filled with blood.
3. The doctor wanted to charge me $500 for this. That’s robbery. Afterall, it should be a relatively simple procedure. Make a slight incision behind the sack, insert scissors, snip the connection, and sew everything back up. No reason this shouldn’t work. I’ll need some whiskey to use as an anesthetic I guess…but other than that this should be the cheapest vasectomy ever.
4. The ninja looked around for anything he could use as a weapon. Finding only a pair of scissors, he broke them in half and twirled the two blades like daggers.
5. They feel good against my skin. The sharpness of the blade brings me back to reality. These scissors prove to me that they’re real when the bleeding starts.
6. I used my multitool to remove the casing. There in front of me sat the apparatus of destruction. A small lead shield covered the plutonium and four colored wires seemed to connect the timer to the rest of the bomb. Praying silently, I took the red wire in my hand and grabbed the scissors. It was now or never.
7. “You want to what?”
“Simply put, I’m going to take these scissors and cut the fetus out.”
“I’m not going to let you kill my baby.”
“M’am…this child can never be born…Hold her down.”
8. My grandfather’s grandfather handcrafted these scissors in 1869. He made them as a wedding gift for his bride. He presented them to her the night they were married and she was so moved by the gesture, she cried for hours.
9. One should not keep their scissors in the same drawer as one’s dildo. Late nights can lead to major trauma.
10. I’d been testing the child all morning and he failed every test. He showed absolutely no signs of psychic ability over level 2 - the incidental ability all humans have. I was about to give up entirely when I happened to notice the pair of scissors hovering in the air about an inch away from the base of my spine.
“I don’t like tests,” he said.
11. When Mark opens the door, the match with strike. The match will light the candle over which a tension string has been run. That string goes through a set of pulleys and keeps the bowstring drawn. The flame with burn the tension string, set loose the bow, and fire a pair of scissors across the room towards Mark’s eye.
12. The scissors glowed in the light of the forge. It’d take forever and there where many times when I’d about given up, but here they were now - completed. I held them up and read the incantation printed along the length of each blade. The work around me vanished and then reappeared secondes later as nothing but ribbons of paper.
13. When we mounted the scissors to the bridgelayer, G.I. Joe never looked more bad ass.
